If you've read my post a few weeks back about nursing Hattie, you know I have been having a wee bit of anxiety and sadness over the fact that my babies are growing up just a little bit too fast. So....let me tell you about yesterday.
Last night was Open House at the elementary school where Maggie will begin kindergarten next week. She has been SOOOO excited to meet her teacher, check out her classroom, drop off her supplies, etc. Know what? I was, too! She is going to the same elementary school I went to and I was a little excited to check it out after all these years.
As I was driving into work yesterday morning, I was mentally going through my day... making my invisible checklist of all the things I needed to accomplish before the end of the day. Then, I started thinking about Open House. And about my daughter going to kindergarten. All alone. And that THIS.IS. IT. This is the beginning of her "school career." She will be gone FIVE days a week, ALL day. Her teacher is going to spend as many (if not more) waking hours a day with her than me. I will miss her. Her sisters will miss her. Kids might be mean to her. She might be mean to other kids (she better not....) She might get scared. She might LOVE it (she probably will!) She's not a baby anymore- she's a school age child. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN??????
And then, I cried.
All alone, in the car, I cried. I looked foolish, I'm sure, and I arrived a few minutes later to work than I wanted because I had to reapply half my make-up. Seriously, I don't know what I was thinking, but the reality of all it just kind of came crashing down on me yesterday. She is really growing up. It was hard walking away from her when she went to her first day of 4K last fall, but I knew I was just down the hall if she needed me. This year, she'll be at school all day, some 20+ miles away from where I will be working. And she'll do it again the next year, and the next year, and the next year... and that makes me a little sad... and scared.
My first teaching job out of college was kindergarten. I remember watching all of those moms on the first day of school and wishing they would all just go home and let me teach! Foolish, foolish young girl I was... I heard someone once refer to having children as little pieces of your heart walking around outside your body. AMEN to that.... and you know what? It hurts to slap a backpack on that little piece of your heart and watch it walk into a classroom, away from you.
I think I may need a stiff drink on Tuesday.
This morning, this showed up on a blog I follow. It is perfect.
