Bye, bye Baby

I just put my baby to bed. For the last time. 

Tomorrow my last baby will wake up... as a toddler. 

For an entire year, I have tried to dig my heels in, forcing time to SLOOOOW down and truly experience every moment with my sweet Ruby. I am so very, very grateful to be able to be home with her this year and have the opportunity to really savor every precious moment of her baby-ness... and to be the one to put her down for a nap. And to be the one to greet her when she wakes up from that nap. And to watch her pinch for another Cheerio. And to play Patty-Cake and sing "You Are My Sunshine." But, alas, the day has come. While she won't know the difference tomorrow, I will. She will no longer be an infant. Sigh. 

 I love being a mom. I love being a mom of babies. My heart is heavy knowing the days of sleeping babies on my chest, dimpled fingers, and Baby Magic are coming to an end... far, far sooner and faster than I ever wished. While I love watching my girls grow and learn and sing and dance and dream and become these amazingly awesome... people, I'm having a really hard time turning this page and starting this new chapter. I know some moms can't WAIT for their kids to grow and be independent and do fun thing... and stuff like getting rid of their infant tub or transitioning to a new carseat or disassembling their cribs are just new, exciting parts of the journey. But I'm not one of those moms. Each milestone, while exciting in it's own way, frays the edges of my heart just a little bit. 

So, tonight, while I nursed and rocked my INFANT daughter, I cried. I'm crying now again as I type this. Life is good. I just wish it would slow down a little bit.