Last week was my birthday. The big "3-5." I like to think I was celebrating 29... for like, the seventh time... because you know, now I'm officially closer to 40 than I am to 30. Ugh.
However, with all that said, I'm kinda looking forward to the next year. Bear with me as I fill you in on some of the happenings in the past few months....
In July, I made the (not so difficult) decision to quit my job. To make a veeeerrrry long story short, the school I worked at for the past eleven years was headed in a direction different from the one I was headed in... both personally AND professionally. I no longer felt that it was a good fit for me, and it was time to move on. I had begun to put some feelers out in late spring for other positions, a bit closer to home. Our own school district greatly expanded it's 4K program for this fall, and I eagerly applied for some of those positions early on, knowing they would not begin seriously interviewing or doing callbacks until late summer.
In the meantime, we received a phone call from a charter school where Maggie had been on the waiting list for the past 2 years. A spot had opened up, and Maggie was next on the list! They gave us 2 days to make a decision before they would move on to the next student. At this point, I was fairly certain I was leaving my job. I had nothing lined up for the fall, but back in February had arranged childcare and registered Lucy for a 4K program based on Maggie's school start time (which was now going to change- by nearly an hour) and my current work schedule I had no idea what to do... because, logistically, my life was a nightmare (mostly because I am a crazy planner) After some discussion, we realized accepting the spot was the right thing to do. If nothing else, it guarantees a spot for her 2 younger sisters, and the way things are looking... Hattie is going to need all the help she can get... ;)
About the same time, Dan had a few job interviews as well, and was offered a position at another company in IL. After much debating back and forth, he accepted the new position and put in his 2 week notice at his current job. To make (another) story very, very short... his current position counter-offered, and he opted to stay put. While this was most definitely the right move for everyone involved, it also means that he is not available to help at all before/after school. He has over an hour commute each way to work, which means he leaves before the girls are even out of bed, and often does not get back home until almost 6:00 in the evening.
All the while, I was patiently waiting for a callback from the job(s) I had applied for in late spring. In late July we headed up to Door County for a week long vacation. Cell service was pretty spotty. Internet was even more so. On Monday morning, I had the rare chance to check my email while we were eating breakfast at a restaurant with WiFi. I saw the "generic" job postings I had applied for were reposted, as school-specific openings, meaning I would have to reapply to each individual school principal instead of the district office. After a minor breakdown (I was stuck hours from home with no way of completing the paperwork/online application) we took it as a sign. The jobs I had waited so long to hear about were now ready and available... but I was unable to do anything about it for the next week. Sooo......
Fast forward. After much number crunching, tears, and heart-to-heart conversations, Dan and I made the decision for me to stay home this coming year. Funny, because I always thought that this would be my ideal situation. Trust me, as my friends head back for hours upon hours of teacher inservice, I am NOT missing it at all.... but, there is a part of me that is really scared. Scared that I will get insanely restless. Scared of having to live with a strict budget. Scared that I will get bored. Scared that I will be expected to maintain a spotless house and make cute little craft projects with my kids.... EVERY day. Scared that I will start to (gasp!) resent my children. Scared that I will lose myself and those small pieces of me that existed outside my roles of "wife" and "mother." Selfish, I realize... especially knowing how desperately so many of my friends want to be able to stay home with their own babies. I do realize how blessed I am to have this opportunity- but I would be lying if I said it didn't freak me out just a little...
With all that said, my birthday resulted in a teeny epiphany. I have decided to make the MOST of this year. For me. Because I'm 35. And I've got some time. Time to dust off my sewing machine and teach myself some stuff. Time to tie on my Nikes and actually get past Week 2 of the 5K 101 program I have started at least three times before. Time to spend helping in my kids' classrooms... and NOT be the teacher. Time to play with all the cool features on my camera. Time to blog. Time to try new recipes, read some books, and hang out with my babies.... because (in spite of everything I just said) THAT is still my most favorite hobby of all!
