Yup, I'm doing it. I'm writing a post about the tragedy in Connecticut. While I've tried really hard to avoid the news the past 2 days, I am overwhelmed with grief by this senseless, awful event. I can't begin to wrap my mind around it... and it hurts my heart to the core when I allow my mind wander and begin think about it. I have tried hard the past 2 days to keep myself busy. Right now, I just want to avoid, avoid, avoid. Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away. Then, I realize my daughter is headed back to school on Monday- and, without a doubt, some child at school is going to say something, or ask a question, or mention it somehow.... and I am snapped back to reality and realize I HAVE to address this... and soon. I have to have this conversation with my daughter- but first I have to deal with it myself. So, I guess, this is my "outlet." Bear with me- if you don't want to read on- I am absolutely fine with that. There is no real "plan" here- just some of the crazy thoughts that have been rolling around in my head since first hearing the news yesterday afternoon.
First and foremost, a huge hug and high five to all the amazing school workers who kept those babies safe, calm and loved during this entire thing. Many people are going to turn this into a "See? Teachers ARE amazing heroes, blah, blah, blah." I'm a teacher. I get it. Yes, teachers are amazing- but I think the bigger picture isn't about their career choice- it's about simple acts of humanity and goodwill. Garbage collectors, librarians, the barista at Starbucks.... it doesn't matter. I truly think anyone would have done what those amazing men and women had done that morning. Please don't turn this into a "God Bless the Teacher" campaign. Instead, smile at the next stranger you see and know that they could be the person to save you (or your child!) in a moment of crisis.
Next, I want to take a second and tell all of the politicians, religious spokespeople, and various "well-meaning" people who feel the need to take this tragedy and turn it into a platform for whatever they seem to believe caused this..... shut the hell up. Seriously. Take a moment (or day, or week, or whatever...) and show some respect to those poor, lost souls and their grieving families. This isn't a time to rant about gun control. Or God in schools. Or security procedures. Or the color of your grandma's underwear. It really doesn't matter. At the end of the day, 28 people are dead. Twenty parents will never kiss their children good night. Or help them with homework. Or hear their laugh. Or their voices. Ever again. Let that sink in for a minute. And then, shut your piehole.
Please take a moment and silently thank (or say a prayer if that's more your thing) for the police and other emergency response personnel who had to go in after this tragedy and pick up all the pieces. While the public is flipping channels for the next piece of news, photo, or grisly detail, these poor people had to actually witness all of this carnage firsthand.I can avoid the news all I want- but this is their job... and I am sure they have visions in their heads that they will NEVER be able to remove .. and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
I realize the public still doesn't know all the horrible details of this tragedy. And, I guess, that's OK with me. I hope that's OK with you, too. Knowledge is not always power. Some things are better left unknown, unsaid, and unshared. For those who believe we need to understand all of the details of this crime so that we can be more prepared... well, to you I say "Bullshit." I have worked the past 2 years extensively as a member of our school's crisis response team. While I think it's admirable to have some sort of plan in place (and thank God it sounds like this school did) I also think it's important to recognize that you can't plan for the unimaginable. No amount of ID checking, door buzzing, or visitor-badge-wearing was going to stop this young man from doing what he ultimately did. Sad, but horrifically true.
So, I guess right now this is where I'm at. I'm angry. I'm angry that people are stupid. I'm angry that I even HAVE to have this conversation with my kindergartner. One who loves school, is ridiculously excited for Christmas, and the worst people she can think of are villains in Disney movies. But, all that aside- the one thing I can take away from all of this is: to be present. Take an extra 5 seconds when your kid gets of the car before school to tell them that you love them. Put your damn phone down when you pick them up and instead ask them how their day was...and then actually LISTEN to their answer. Turn the TV off at dinner time and have a conversation. Let your babies know that THEY are more important than those THINGS. Because, God forbid, if something tragic happens like it did in Connecticut, your baby will know that they were LOVED...and you will know that they knew it, too.
“We all want to do something to mitigate the pain of loss or to turn grief into something positive, to find a silver lining in the clouds. But I believe there is real value in just standing there, being still, being sad.”
― John Green
